my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
