Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
