At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
