Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
