Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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