I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
