Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
