Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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