I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
