I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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