Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
