yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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