my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
