So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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