so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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