My sheets look like a crime scene.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this boner is exhausting
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
