are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
