I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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