She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
