this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
