I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
