Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
