You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
jump out the window naked night went bad
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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