fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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