Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
