I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
