the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We are all done wearing pants today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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