When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
