I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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