If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if only i could text you this smell
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
