By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
