He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
