How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
