dude i'm inner monologue high
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
