i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
