I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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