Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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