Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
