He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
