Swine flu is the new snow day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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