I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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