My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
