Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
