Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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