It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Two words: blizzard sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
