Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
