Define "chronic" masturbator.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
