Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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