This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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