i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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