i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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