go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
