I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
