Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
