I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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